A (CD) Pirate in Penzance. 05-09-2003
- 28 May 2013
Hi
It's me again.
Sorry about the gaps but, ah no I'm not. I keep getting distracted by some
rather nice young ladies.
I had heard that there were bingo halls over here but I didn't know if it
was just a bad joke or not. It's not.
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Since the last installment I have been wandering the moors (Ex & Dart)
Stayed in a tiny little town called Dunster which is about central to
everything in the Exmoor national park. In other words it is central to just
about nothing. There was an interesting little town a bit further along the
coast which is separated into 2 parts by a bloody great cliff. They have an
interesting way of connecting the 2. A water powered cable drawn train.
Quite a neat idea really. Water gets pumped up to the car at the top &
emptied from the one at the bottom, making the top one heavier. They just
let gravity take over & use breaks to stop you all being squashed at the
other end.
The other amusing bit about this town is a memorial to 52 people that were
killed in a rather spectacular flood in the 1950s. Amusing? I hear you ask.
Oh Yes!!!
I am sure that you have all seen adds along the lines of "As seen on Channel
9s "Wankers" programme .....Our multi functional robotic pig with 15
different marital aids will not only find your G spot & utterly eradicate it
but will also whiten your teeth, cure baldness & make your dogs coat
shinier"
Well the sign outside this memorial actually had "As seen on BBC's "Natural
Disasters" Programme".
I'm sure that made the survivors feel much better being constantly reminded
that they (and everyone else) can relive the moment that they lost their
loved ones over & over again with the kind work of the BBC.
Ran over about 5 pheasants in Exmoor. They are bloody everywhere. And where
they are not there are large red splats on the road where they were.
From there, headed south through Dartmoor swerving wildly to avoid the sheep
& moors ponies that just lay in the middle of the road. Almost as stupid as
Scottish sheep. Stopped & blew a raspberry at all the inmates of Dartmoor
Prison. All right, I know that they couldn't see me from there but it was
fun all the same. And safer.
Arrived in the coastal fishing village of Looe in what is laughingly called
the Cornish Riviera. It had some nice old arched stone causeways along the
side of the harbour a bit like Monaco. Only not. It had cheerfully lit
walkways festooned with bright flowers along the side of the river like
Paris & the Seine. Only not. Once I had broken out the grappling hooks,
crampons & rappelling lines & made it to the hotel ( I think this may have
been the one that inspired Faulty Towers) I had a view of the town in all
it's glory. Picturesque in it's own unique sort of way but only when the
tide was in. When it was out the entire harbour & river feeding it looked
like a very large mutant space goat with a nasty cold had sneezed leaving a
shining green slick in it's wake.
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Stayed there for 3 nights. Got the hell out of there for 3 days. Went to
Penzance which was quite nice & down to Lands End which is pretty
spectacular. Good views along the cliffs in all directions & a very good
view of the end of cargo ship of some sort which embedded itself on the
rocks about1 mile from the viewing platform. Well done skipper. Couldn't
have positioned it better if he had tried. Any closer & the view wouldn't
have been as good and any further away ...
Sort of halfway between Looe (Where appropriately enough I got a case of the
trots) & Lands End is something out of a B grade science fiction movie
except it's real. A thing called the Eden Project where they have gathered
plants from all over the world & stuck them in an old clay pit & covered
them with plastic domes. Like pods in bad Mars movies. If you are into
plants it is definitely worth a look. Even if you aren't it is. Except all
the bloody tourists. Get everywhere the bastards. There was one plant I
seriously considered nicking. It stood about 20 feet high & about 15 across
& was covered in pretty flowers & heads. It may not have been Indian but I
am sure that African hemp could have the same effect. Although it may have
seemed a little suspicious to customs if I came back with a 20 foot gunga
plant poking out of my trousers. "Are you happy to see me sir or is that a
tree in your pants?"
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About time to go an get some grub so
1 day to heaven..........
F.U.S.B.