Day 2 - A Little Improvement 08-08-2003
This is the Central Scrutinizer....
Hi, It's me again...........
I'm sure that you are all eagerly awaiting the next exciting episode so here
we go...
Well 1 of the 2 missing bags finally arrived at Manchester at about 3;30Pm
by which time British Airways had most generously offered me 1 free coffee
for wasting my entire day. Of course it was not the bag that had any useful
clothes in it. It was the one with my Goodwood's idiot clobber (Kilt etc) so
although I was glad that I wasn't a couple of grand out (Kilts are rather
expensive) it wasn't much use for day to day use.
Hertz, on the other hand were quite repentant about not having my car so
they upgraded me to some rather flash new Toyota (3.5 litre turbo with
electronic everything & GPS navigation system). Goes like the bloody
clappers it does. Didn't take me long to break the 100 mph mark again. I
like the roads over here & I haven't got onto a motorway yet. 150 her we
come.
I have spent a most pleasant morning booking in to the quack here in
Donington & getting registered as a temporary resident so I could get some
replacement drugs for the diabetes etc. Yes folks, the original ones are in
the missing bag as well. Just the sort of fun you really look forward to
when travelling. The bloody bag will probably turn up today now that I have
spent a fortune on drugs/clothes etc.
Had a rather decent Trout for munchies last night. Looking forward to
raiding the Indian joint here in Donington tonight. Easily the best Indian &
have had anywhere. One of the reasons I keep coming back to this little
town. Apart from the cars that is........
Ah well, that'll do for now.
F.U.S.B.
A flying start 07-08-2003
Evenin all
At this point I do believe that the fact that I am still alive is about the
only thing that has gone right so far.
I am currently sitting my fat arse in a Business centre at Manchester
airport while my bags are not.
They tell me that they are at least at Heathrow & should turn up today but
the way things are going................
Thinks to myself, "Oh well While I am waiting I will pop over & pick up my
car" HA!!!!! Dickhead that I am thinking that would be ready.
The Hertz guy did try to talk me into upgrading to a very nice Jaguar that
they had there. Only another £10 a day. Doesn't sount too much until you do
the maths. £10=$25 a day x 40 odd days. Total of about $1000. I decided that
as I didn't have any bags anyway I may as well wait until my car actually
turns up.
Some of you may have noticed on the news all the stuff about a heatwave over
here?
Well as I gaze, in a highly contemplative fashion, out of the window there
is thunder & lightning & it is pissing down. Of course the hire car joint is
not actually in the terminal building so I must venture out into the tempest
to see if the car has turned up. Have just one bloody guess where my
umbrella is? Thats right folks, in my bloody bags somewhere else in the UK.
Oh yeah God, this is really funny. I just love your sence of humour. He had
better hope that either there is no heaven or that I won't get there 'cause
if there is & if I do I will kick the shit out of Him for this one.
Ah well, the next flight has just arrived. Time to go & wait with baited
breath & see if the day improves.
Might have to sleep in the airport tonight.................
The FUSB
I'M ALIVE 18-08-2002
Well here I is in Gay Paree'. Which is actually more accurate than you would at first beleive.It turns out that the Hotel I am booked into is in the centre of the gay & Jewish area. Swell, lots of mincing terorist targets.
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Already sunk a few beers which was essential after about 30 hours in airports or planes. I is buggered. And not from the locals you dirty sods. Typically it has taken some asians (Vietnamese by the looks of it) to set up an internet place here. The frogs wouldn't bother. The odd thing is that many of the letters & punctuation keys are in different places on the keyboard which is somewhat offputting. So if there are any hideous spelling errors then C'est la vie. HA ... and you lot thought my Francais was le merde' du la cochon.
That's just how I smell at this point as the hotel room is not quite ready yet & I am still in yesterdays(?) clothes/sweat etc. I reek, therefore I am! - to realy misquote someone. Stuffed if I can remember who though...........
Kept up my fine form with airlines when (without asking)I got very pleasently upgraded into full business class on the Bankok/London hop. Very comfy in deedie. Toni, I think the trick is to stay on board when they stop at Bangpop to clean up. Very nice little chappy enquired as to my passport & boarding pass. Came back a few minutes later to advise me that that sectors boarding pass was incorrect & pointed me to the promised land. Several champaigne coctails & 3 bottles (count that Vince, 3)of Red I was quite easilly able to snooze in what can only be described as the aircraft equivilent of a lazy boy recliner. Although, typical poms, the food was crap. The seats in our class aren't quite Bus class size but if you grab a window or isle there is loads of room.
Fate got it's revenge however when I got onto the flight from London to Paris some twat booked his bags in & then did not show up. So...we sat about waiting for him & when it did not appear that he was turning up they went hunting for all 4 (yeah, 4) of his bags to get them off the plane. Security you know. Just as they get them off the bastard turns up & they have to put them back on again. Then, due to this delay they lost their take off & flight plan slot & had to wait to be given another. I love sitting in a plane to nowhere for two & a half hours waiting for a dickhead & a 40 minute flight.
Anyhow, I is going to appall youse all & spend my first afternoon in Pariswatching the TV.(& having a shower & another drinkie) They actually show grand prixs in the day over here.
So with more of a wimperind stagger than a bang ... I'm splittin Jack.
see yer
The fat ugly smug bastard. (FUSB)
IMPRESSIONS IN INVERNESS 14-09-2002
Well hello all again. No doubt you will all be relieved to learn that it did not continue to rain in Inverness, however there were some amusing tales of woe to be heard. Some rather well off couple having their wedding reception & first night of wedded bliss had to be evacuated along with 200 of their guests by boat from their hotel at 3 in the morning. Gee! There is a marriage that got off to a good start. In the car park of the same hotel is a sign stating that anyone parking there did so at their own risk & that the hotel was not liable for any damage to cars left there. There was a lovely photo in the paper of this sign along with the top of one of the wedding guest's nice new BMW/Mini-Cooper just poking up out of the water.
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Speaking of signs, there was a good one on a back road just south of Inverness that I came across.It advised that there were "SLOW CHILDREN". Hmmm. Another on the front window of a shop announced "Home of the awar winning sign writers. "Awar winning??? And it wasn't that the D had just come off. This sign was the same on both windows on either side of the door.
In other ironic news involved one of the cops that was investigating the kidnapping & murder of those 2 ten year old girls over here. You will know what I am talking about if you have been paying any attention at all to the news. It was even being covered back there before I left. This cops job was to comfort the families (including the remaining children) & try to gather any info he could get from them. He has just been arrested for kiddie porn. Just the sort of chap who you want providing emotional support to you children.
Oh what a world we live in!
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Ventured west to Ullapool on Wednesday through some extremely wild terrain. Cute little town. Takes about 10 minutes to look around. There is the very authentic sounding Raja's Tandoori/Fish & Chips. I wonder what Tandoori chips taste like.
It comes across was as slightly discordant experience when you hear a young asian girl speaking with a broad Scottish accent. Continued north through to nowhere (there is plenty of nowhere in north Scotland) & was visited, not just once, but twice by the ever vigilant RAF. Coming down that low just to make sure I was OK, no doubt.Put on a very spectacular show, did these lads, practicing their low level bombing runs. Howling down the valleys & just up over the crest about 200 yards away from my car.I hope my increasingly erratic driving didn't make me too hard a target.
South yesterday to Ford William. Just north of which you get to stagger up the hill(??) next to Ben Nevis.The trail only went about half way up, only 630 metres/2216 feet so you can get to a couple of outcrops from which you can get a magnificent view of said mountain (the highest in Britain) & the valley between you & it.Pity that when I got there it was so bloody hazey that I cannot see any of the photos being any good. Still, the pint of bitter was really,really good when I got back down.They should have a permanent corronary unit stationed there. I could have used it.
The grub at the Heathmount pub's restaurant has not got any worse in the 2 years since I discovered it. As I only found it on my last night last time (despite the fact that it is about 50 yards from the B&B I stayed in)I gave it's menu a fine working over on this occassion.
Night 1 Mussles in white wine, garlic & parsley.Venison with a red wine & gooseberry jus.Australian red, of course.Bloody good.
Night 2 Haggis tower (haggis, mashed pumkin & mashed potato) with a cream, mustard & pepper sauce.Pheasant with whiskey & cream sauce.Same Australian red.Outstanding!!
Night 3 Soup - cream of potato & leek.Duck with port & raspberry jus. Incredible version of a cheese cake. A rather disappointing NZ White wine. Back to bloody good, would have been better with a better wine choise but there you go.
I wonder what I will get to next time?
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Anyway, arrived without incident in Edinburgh today just down the road from the rather good Thai restaurant that I remember from last time & as I am starting to drool in anticipation ( & these guys probably do not want a wet keyboard) I think I shall depart now & leave you to your exciting working day.
The FUSB
Yeah, Vince, I know, I only have 17 days to go. You will only need to put up with another 3 or 4 of these.
GREETINGS FROM GOODWOOD 10-09-2002
Well I am actually in Inverness as I sit here ruminating on the past weekend.I wasn't too hopefull of getting here as the news on Sunday morning was that this place was 5 feet under water after a particularly heavy storm.It seems that despite what the US government is saying about global warming these"once in 100 years storms" are occouring with monotonous regularity.However, as we speak (so to speak) the sun is bravely attempting to break through the dark & forboding skies. There is even a spot of blue stuff up there. Just a little one.
One observation before I begin making some of you so jealous that I fear for my safety upon my return. Is envy not one of the Christian religion's deadly sins? Then I fear that they are all doomed. As you wander about some of these small towns you will notice the ever taller spires on the churches. The newer the church, the taller the spire. Unless the older church has been renovated which usually means putting an even taller spire in place of the old one. The religious version of boys comparing their manhood. Nyah, nyah..my spires bigger than your spire... Is this not Spire Envy?
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Well, Goodwood. I can only say that if there is a heaven then I sincerely hope that the good Lord March runs it.I have gathered over the last couple of years that there are some of you out there that are under the impression that I only wear the kilt because;
A)I like to look like an idiot;
B)I am an idiot;
C)It is a psycologically desperate attempt to gain some form of attention to make up for my massive lack of self-esteme;
D)Some of the above;
E)All of the above.
However... none of you are aware of the Magic of the Furry Sporin.It is a gift given to only a very select number of psycotically unstable types who form an international brotherhood. A bit like the Mason's funny handshake.There were 3 or 4 of us skulking about the paddock over the weekend attempting to make our secret contact twitch look natural. Eventually contact was made between myself & a gent by the name of Simon Murray from Windsor (yes, in Sydney) & after the usual trading of photo taking ritual was dispensed with a lifetime friendship was initiated over several glasses of Verve Cliquot.(What else do expect the members of the Goodwood Road Racing Club to drink? Beer???)
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A little later in the day as yet again I wandered away from the champers tent I recognised the plaintive cry, Oi aussie!!There stood Simon with an ever expanding grin spreading across his face.He had been looking for me for about half an hour to let me into his horrid little secret.And this is the bit that some of you may wish to kill me for.He had purloined a pair of mechanics armbands from the pit of one of the teams that had finished for the weekend & wanted me to join him on the pit wall.
Well we attached these armbands & strolled, Verve in hand, past the giant mandrils in suites at the gate & into the holiest of holies. The Pit lane. There I had a very pleasant chat with Richard Attwood re his underperforming BRM (the one he didn't use in the Glover Trophy, he came home second in the Brabham he used at OultonPark)& how the sportscar he was about to hop into was going. Yes Pete, this was the race with the GT40's. Lots of them. After, whilst standing in the middle of the track @ taking some photos of the cars lined up on the grid we wandered down the other end of the pits & ran off quite a few shots of the cars coming out of the chicane, some of them quite nicely sideways. A couple of silly pics of each other in the pit lane wearing his daft pilots cap & goggles then alas, the race was run.
Unfortunately this was the last race of the meeting & Simon left to beat the traffic out.This was an error. Me, showing all the brass balls of any self-respecting kilt wearing maniac, walked straight out onto the track with Lord & Lady March et al to chat to & photograph the victorious drivers being presented with their awards etc. The young BAR Reynard Grand Prix test driver, Darren Manning was the winner ( yes Pete, in a GT40) & quite a nice fellow too.
One of the local motoring press photographers had run out of film & requested that I take some extra shots of the 3rd placed Ferrari with the crew behind the car & send him the pics. They are being developed as I right this. I will mail them down to him this afternoon. I will have to attempt to use this contact to get a full press pass to my next visit to this event. Quid pro quo & all that.It was at this point that the Lovely lass's from the Verve tent came out & began supplying free drinkies to all us dignitaries who were there.
The closing ceremonies were finally completed ( about 3 drinkies later) & the select few gradually dispersed. After about half had departed the lovely Verve lassies came back out (I really, really like these girls) to advise that they had so much left over that they would be HAPPY if us remaining VIP's would each take a bottle with us (free of course).
I was a bit tiddly come late Sunday night but I was detirmined not to let any of it go to waste. Well I guess that the end of the weekend was probably the highlight (how could it not have been?) but the rest of it was rather good as well.
I spent almost all of Friday wandering about the paddock wasting film like you would not believe. About 12 rolls on Friday & about the same on Saturday. There were some real rarities about. A Lancia D50, the Alf Francis remake of the ATS T100 & the original ATS as well.The TecMec Maserati showed up again & was running particularly well ( in front of all the 250Fs)in the race until a Cooper spun in front of it & removed several of it's wheels.
The racing was much tighter than at Oulton with some extremely spirited (and flamboyant) driving. The sight of a Morris Minor going through Madgwick with about 45% oposite lock on & smoke billowing from his rear tyres was most entertaining.
There were some who overdid it just a tad however.One chap in a Ferrari 250GTO reversed it into the barrier on Friday. Lost it twice (without hitting anything) at Madgwick on Saturday & then comprehensivly wrote it off during the race on Sunday. One wag in the pits suggested that it had probably cost him more in gaffer tape over the weekend than the rebuild anyway.
As usual the organisers & the paying punters got right into the spirit & about 75% were in period gear which gives the event an even greater flavour. The tarty St Trinians type school girlies were back, the coppers were all in old 50's type uniforms chasing away the spivs trying to sell dodgy watches. The ladies really went all out & at some points it seemed more like a 50's fashion show than a race meeting. The amount of fur stoles would have some of the animal lib folk having coniptions. All in all, an absolutely brilliant weekend that I cannot wait to get back to.
Goodwood is life.. the rest is just waiting.
The FUSB