THE SNAPE REPORT 2002
The second annual Quarterly newsletter From the Institute of the Spiritually Destitute & Morally Bankrupt.
Well, Bugger me.
As the Anis rolls on….(anis you idiots, not anus) life is becoming peculiarly more comfortable.The previously forecast relocation to the Central Coast has come, staggered & gone.
Not a bad abode, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, lounge, dining, rather large kitchen, other & a BAR.Oh, and a garage.And a BAR!!!
Bit steep out the front but I have already begun filling that up with Palms etc so no work will be req'd. Do not need any of that nasty stuff.Nice little flat bit of turf out the back for the doggies to frolic.Wicked chilli bush too.
Only moved up last Thursday (& of course it pissed down all day, and Friday, Saturday & Sunday for that matter) so most of the stuff is still in boxes but it is slowly coming together. It will take a lot of getting used to getting up at 5;30 to get to work but as I still plan to win powerball (Lotto/OzLotto etc) I guess I can deal with it for a bit. Oh, & just to confirm everything you all know & have heard……..Moving sucks!
Now just to kame you all really jealous & despise me even more I have blown a certain chunk of the profits on a coming jaunt to Europe (Yes again). Although this time I will only be going for 5 weeks (poor me). 1 in Paris & 4 in England/Scotland.Operation Northern Desperation is launched on August 17.
Oddly enough I was invited to become a member of one of those snooty English Clubs (The Goodwood Road Racing Club - silly people) which will provide rather nice benefits when I go to their historic race meeting in September.I even get an invite to Lord March's Christmas Party. (Probably a fairly safe bet for him, that one, as it is rather unlikely that I would pop over to blighty for dinner….)
To make up for the horror of discovering that Snape's Maltings had been converted into a music school & arts centre (stop laughing) I found the bumph I had on Snape Castle the other day (the only benefit of moving - you find as much as you loose).Although there is not a great deal left after the argument with Ollie over the silverware it turns out to have been the home of Katherine Parr (the last {& surviving} of Henry VIII. Cool huh?So now that I know where it is I will sneak in & pinch some rubble.
By some miracle the doggies have survived although Maddie's ticker gets dickier every day. I shall put printer to paper again later in the anis (stop giggling up the back) & bore you to tears with jottings of my jaunts & any other odd stuff that occours. Some stuff never changes
1) Same car - still going nicely thank you.
2) Same job - bugger
3) Still fat
4) Still ugly
5) Still smug
6) Still the Fat Ugly Smug Bastard……..
Cheerio
Sam
F1 - NEWS OF THE WEEK
FIA finalises 2011 F1 calendar
The FIA has released the final calendar for the 2011 Formula 1 season, with the addition of the Indian Grand Prix boosting the schedule to 20 races.
The Delhi race is provisional and subject to the new circuit being homologated by the FIA, while Shanghai's licence has expired and the facility needs to complete some upgrades before being granted a new one.
The other 18 rounds are as the FIA announced in its provisional schedule in September.
The season will begin in Bahrain on March 13, and Brazil will move back to its season finale slot on November 27.
2011 Formula 1 calendar
13/03 Bahrain
27/03 Australia
10/04 Malaysia
17/04 China*
08/05 Turkey
22/05 Spain
29/05 Monaco
12/06 Canada
26/06 Europe
10/07 Great Britain
24/07 Germany
31/07 Hungary
28/08 Belgium
11/09 Italy
25/09 Singapore
09/10 Japan
16/10 Korea
30/10 India*
13/11 Abu Dhabi
27/11 Brazil
*Subject to the homologation of the circuit.
HRT to soon announce de la Rosa for 2011 - reports
A deal for Pedro de la Rosa to return to the grid next year could be announced officially next week.
After being ousted by Sauber, the 39-year-old Spaniard was recruited as Pirelli's main test driver but said he would be interested in driving for HRT in 2011 if its "sporting project is interesting and ambitious".
"I am in contact with the (team owner) Carabantes," he revealed last month.
Citing the information of a member of the Spanish team, the Brazilian publication Terra said "almost everything is done" to secure de la Rosa's services for 2011.
And after HRT sealed its deal for a Williams transmission, the report said the team will base its next car on the unraced 2010 Toyota.
The El Confidencial publication said de la Rosa has "increased, not decreased" his personal sponsorship since leaving Sauber, and that he is HRT's "first choice" for the 2011 season.
The report said another Spanish publication believes an agreement has already been reached between the two parties, with an official announcement due "in the coming days".
According to Europa Press, de la Rosa will be in Madrid on Thursday due to his involvement in the first 3D advertisement in Spain with the department store El Corte Ingles.
Among his other sponsors are Banco Santander, Diageo and the watch brand Certina.
F1 - THE HOON STRIKES AT SPA
From the moment that the Hoon put himself on the front row of the grid the Belgian Grand Prix at Spa Francorchamps was his to lose. In tricky, changeable conditions the convicted Hoon put aside the impossibly draconian penalty ($500) handed to him by a Melbourne beak for his unspeakably evil actions (gasp – a burnout) prior to the Australian GP, and apart from one horrible moment, took a well judged win from championship leader, Mark Webber.
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Only a stonker of a lap from Webber had pinched pole from the Hoon but both Mark and Lewis knew that only a miracle would prevent the Hoon from leading by the end of the run to Les Combes where the McLaren’s straight line speed advantage would surely see him breeze past the Red Bull. What neither expected was that an electronic glitch would see the Red Rag bog down at the start and the pole sitter would lose six places by the time they entered La Source.
The Hoon had no such dramas and exited the first corner with a lead that he would never let go of. Although he gave it a big go on lap 34 when he hit a wetter than expected patch and speared off into the gravel. Not only did he manage to keep the McLaren going but somehow he also managed to not hit the barrier. As Red Rag head honcho, Christian Horner said, “If that trap had been one metre narrower Mark would have won”. However it wasn’t and he didn’t. He recomposed himself, changed his undies, and got on with winning the race and reclaiming the championship lead.
Meanwhile the rest of the championship contenders were trying to hand the silver-whare to the Hoon on a platter. Webber’s was not the worst lap one of the bunch. King Fernando found himself on the receiving end of a perfectly executed drop-kick from Rubens Barrichello. The popular Brazilian was celebrating his 300th Grand Prix perhaps a little too enthusiastically and wiped off both his front wheels against the Ferrari. It says a lot for the build quality of the Ferrari that King Fernando only needed cosmetic repairs but he was now in 22nd place and without any real hope of a good result. Of course it didn’t help his cause much when he threw it all away on lap 37.
Button and Vettel meanwhile had negotiated their way past the Renault of Kubica and were locked in a struggle for second place. The eighteen points on offer would bring them right back into the hunt after their respective disappointments in Hungary, but on lap 15 they became a little too locked when Vettel lost it completely and speared into the side of the McLaren. Jenson was out on the spot with a mangled radiator but amazingly the Red Rag only needed a new nose cone. He rejoined in twelfth place but was then given a drive-through penalty for causing the accident. That, and some completely wrong tyre choices saw him finish in fifteenth.
All this put Webber back up into third place behind Kubica after Mark had muscled his way by Massa on lap two. Although he could close on the Renault it didn’t look as if Webber was going to find a way past but when all four leaders pitted on lap 35 Kubica made a bit of a mess of things and slid past his pit box. Not by much but it was enough to delay the pit stop and see Webber emerge in second place. The smile on Webbers face after the race showed that he knew second was as good as he could have hoped for on the day and that he had had a large serving of fortune to end up there.
Adrian Sutil had Force India’s best performance since last years Belgian GP with a fine fifth place. The Silver Slings boys could be well disappointed by seeing their customer holding off both the works cars for the entire race. The unter-ubermensch pressured Sutil for a good twenty laps until he was replaced in sixth spot by Rosberg. The unter-ubermensch may not have hit Sutil but he did manage to hit team-mate Rosberg twice, but like Barrichello in Hungary, Rosberg forced his way by with just four laps to go.
Wrapping up the points places were Kamui Kobayashi, who again drove a good recovery race from a lowly grid spot to claim eighth from Vitaly Petrov in the second Renault. After his embarrassing qualifying spin this was a calm and measured drive from the rear of the grid for the Russian. The final point went to Vitantonio Liuzzi who may have finished higher had he not also been nurfed by the erratic Vettel.
For full results go to;
Sam Snape
31/08/2010
F1 - WEBBER WINS - WEBBER LEADS
The world championship standings took yet another dramatic swing on Sunday as Mark Webber took out his fourth Grand Prix victory of the season at the Hungaroring. Coming into the race the Australian was lying third in the standings, twenty one points behind championship leader Lewis Hamilton and with the Hoon failing to score, Webber now leads by four points. The first five places in the championship are now separated by just twenty points going into the four week summer break.
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This situation didn’t look particularly likely just moments after the start. Vettel had a good enough get-away from pole to lead through the first corner from King Fernando who made a flyer from the second row. Webber had made a reasonable start from position two on the grid but being on the dirty side of the track meant that it was always going to be difficult to hold out a fast starting Ferrari.
Vettel showed the overall pace of the Red Rag and pulled away from King Fernando at around a second per lap. The Red Rag though, is not as fast as the Ferrari in a straight line so Webber, with no real chance of passing on the circuit, turned down his fuel and bided his time, hoping that the race would come to him.
And so it did. By lap 15 the tyre stops had begun for those on the super softs and the normally hectic pit lane suddenly became chaotic when two incidents occurred at the same time and the same place. Nico Rosberg’s Silver Sling decided to divest itself of a newly attached rear wheel as he accelerated from his pit box just as Robert Kubica pulled away from his own stop. Unfortunately this was just as Adrian Sutil was entering his own pit box which lies just in front of Kubica’s. The pair thumped into each other and it was only nimble footwork by some Force India crew that saved a potentially nasty mess. Nico’s wheel, meanwhile, continued on it’s merry way careening through several pit crews, amazingly causing only slight injuries to Nigel Hope, a Williams crew member.
With the Renault and Force India cars tangled in the pit lane and the Mercedes tri-cycle parked at pit exit the yellow flags were thrown and the safety car deployed. Vettel was caught out by this and had to clamber over the curbing to make a very late entry to the pit lane. This probably would have resulted in a penalty on its own as he clearly crossed the unbroken line after the legal pit entrance but in the end, it was ignored.
King Fernando also came in for his stop as did most of the field. Of the leaders all except Webber and Barrichello stopped. At first this looked like a blunder for Webber but on this occasion, Red Rag had made an inspired decision. With Webber saving both his fuel and his tyres during his stay behind Alonso, the team believed that Webber would be able to open up a big enough gap while in the lead, to stop much later and rejoin ahead of the Ferrari. This would give Mark a safe second place behind Vettel and the team a much needed one-two finish.
Except Vettel now made his second error under the safety car. Not just once, but twice, he dropped too far behind Webber and incurred the wrath of the stewards. The rules state that you must not drop more than ten car lengths behind the car in front and on both occasions Seb dropped back almost 100 metres. He might just have gotten away with the late pit entry and first big gap but as the second one was as the race restarted, giving Webber a two second lead after just one green flag lap, he got pinged.
Red Rag’s dreams of a one-two flew out the window with a drive-through for an enraged German while Webber began twenty five of the most flat out racing laps he has ever driven. Vettel was fortunate to emerge from his drive through just ahead of Felipe Massa but although he closed rapidly on King Fernando, he was now in a similar situation to that of Webber during the first phase of the race. Stuck. And he would never even look like getting by.
Webber mean-while pulled out over twenty three seconds and on lap 43, stopped, changed his tyres and rejoined well ahead of the second placed Ferrari. Close behind the Ferrari was Vettel, distantly followed by Massa, the unstopped Williams of Barrichello, Petrov, Hulkenberg, de la Rosa, Button, Kobayashi and the Unter-Ubermensch. Apart from Barrichello pitting late this is how it stayed.
During this stint the Hoon saw his title lead vanish along with his McLaren’s gears as he coasted to a halt on lap 23. Vitaly Petrov in the Renault had his finest GP weekend to date. He not only made it into Q3 comfortably but out-qualified his highly rated team-mate for the first time in his short career. Vitaly ran easily with Barrichello until his stop and took an excellent fifth place while Nico Hulkenberg also completed his best race of his equally short career. Like Petrov, Hulkenberg outqualified his team-mate in tenth place and ran home in sixth place ahead of de la Rosa, Button and Kobayashi. Both the Saubers finishing in the points for the first time this season with Kamui’s recovering drive from 23rd on the grid a fine effort.
With fifteen laps to go Barrichello made his stop and resumed in eleventh place. On fresh tyres he closed dramatically on the tenth placed Unter-Ubermensch who managed to delay the flying Williams for a few laps. His final attempt to deny Rubens was a typically dangerous swerve down the main straight that almost put Rubens into the pit wall. There might have been an inch in it and then the Williams was forced across the pit exit and the grass verge before the thug gave Barrichello room. An unbelievably stupid action for tenth place and just one point ended with the Unter-Ubermensch receiving a ten place grid penalty in the Belgian Grand Prix. This is simply not enough of a penalty to get through this morons head. Suspending the turds license for a few races may make him rethink his attitude to the safety of other drivers and send a message to those who are imitating his methods.
For full results go to;
Sam Snape
03/08/2010